Approval Seeking Schema

“I’m tying myself in knots. Diana is killing me!” A personal assistant, Paige, had recently started to work under Diana, who was aloof and seemed indifferent to efforts to impress her. Paige’s well-honed people pleasing skills just didn’t seem to work with Diana. “I feel like I’m running on adrenaline from the moment I walk into work”. Getting along with...[ read more ]

Passive and Passive-Aggressive: The Subjugation Schema

Paul fumed about his wife – “she expects me to do everything, I can’t get a moment for myself”. Paul felt constantly under pressure, at home and at work. He felt himself surrounded by demanding people and fantasised about escaping, being alone. Despite Paul feeling like he was being pushed around, he never got into fights or arguments. “What’s the...[ read more ]

Am I a Narcissist? – The Entitlement Schema

Karl*, a charming, extroverted 48-year-old finance manager was in big trouble. His wife had “suddenly” left with the kids, moving in with her sister. She had had enough of his lies and inconsistencies, mainly related to his cocaine use and “meetings” with other women. Simultaneously, Karl had become under investigation from work for using his company card for personal expenses. Coming...[ read more ]

All the Lonely People

Is it better to be lonely than to have bad people in your life? In my last post I wrote about how children and adults will often display a preference for bad attention from others rather than no attention. We know that people will often maintain “toxic” friendships and relationships over no friendships or relationships at all. This is what...[ read more ]

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