Get Better at Talking to Yourself

It’s the hallmark of crazy – talking to yourself! Culture feds us the image of the highly disturbed loner, erratically uttering conspiratorial syllables to beings unseen. And we certainly don’t want to emulate that! So, we think that the opposite, never talking to ourselves, neither internally nor externally, is a sign of psychological health. But it’s not.

We humans are social animals and we do best in the right kind of company, with the right kinds of attachment. Healthy attachment figures speak kindly to us, unhealthy ones speak cruelly. Worst of all, non-attachment figures, strangers or enemies, don’t speak to us at all. We need talk to make sense of our experience and the world beyond. We wither without it. Just like solitary confinement is the harshest punishment, social exclusion hurts the most.

We humans are also independent entities. We are born alone and die alone. We have our own interests and objectives, some of which we share with no others. We can’t share our internal life all the time with everyone and anyone. We could hurt or offend others. We would leave ourselves unduly vulnerable. We need to talk to understand ourselves, others and the world, but often we don’t have the right person to talk with.

Talking to yourself is a way to be the friend you seek when you are alone. To be your own wise mentor who helps you make sense of your experiences. The able guide who helps direct you where you need to go.

Some self-talk is indeed dark and dangerous. Certain voices might sound like harsh critics from the past. Some might be punitive of denigrating. They might be belittling or persecutory. The worst internal voices sound and feel like they come from other people or from outside your head – seek mental health treatment if these voices arise! Most of these negative types of voices are automatic – we don’t choose them, they are negative mental habits.

Get better at talking to yourself. Consciously and deliberately. Imagine your future wise-self giving good advice. Take the perspective of a caring competent person you know now or from your past. It even helps to talk from the perspective of a wise fictional character from a book or TV show. Cultivating this wise and kind part of your consciousness helps you to have a loving attachment to yourself. So you never walk alone.