Get Better at Talking to Yourself
It’s the hallmark of crazy – talking to yourself! Culture feds us the image of the highly disturbed loner, erratically uttering conspiratorial syllables to beings unseen. And we certainly don’t want to emulate that! So, we think that the opposite, never talking to ourselves, neither internally nor externally, is a sign of psychological health. But […]
Approval Seeking Schema
“I’m tying myself in knots. Diana is killing me!” A personal assistant, Paige, had recently started to work under Diana, who was aloof and seemed indifferent to efforts to impress her. Paige’s well-honed people pleasing skills just didn’t seem to work with Diana. “I feel like I’m running on adrenaline from the moment I walk […]
Thinking Traps V: Personalisation
It’s all my fault! “It’s all my fault” Rebecca lamented. Her son had recently been fired due to testing positive on a workplace drug screen. “I knew he was using; I should have done more to stop him!” It is a good thing to take responsibility for your actions and their outcomes. When we […]
The Vulnerability Schema
Katia came to see me after a work team-building weekend. She was “encouraged” to partake in some fear-inducing and physically challenging exercises. She refused. “There was no way I was going on that rope bridge, that thing could fall at any time”. This refusal lead to a conversation with her boss who suggested she attend […]
The Mistrust and Abuse Schema
“You can’t trust anyone!” Clara announced. “They might act nice, but at the end of the day they are only out for number one”. Clara’s employer was funding psychology sessions to treat depression and alcohol addiction. She was reluctant to attend and even more reluctant to open up. “At the end of the day, you […]
Happy First Anniversary!
Today the Justin Hendriks Psychology blog turns a big one! This blog has been a labour of love for me, I really enjoy sharing thoughts, ideas, research etc. I have been trying very hard to maintain weekly positing, and hopefully I can maintain this throughout Year 2! To celebrate this milestone, here are the top […]
Failure Schema
“I f***ed it up again”. Jeff* was frustrated. He had left his preparation for his job interview to the last minute and it had felt like a disaster. They asked me some pretty basic questions about my past work history, and I sounded like an idiot – such a loser. In reality, Jeff was a […]
Passive and Passive-Aggressive: The Subjugation Schema
Paul fumed about his wife – “she expects me to do everything, I can’t get a moment for myself”. Paul felt constantly under pressure, at home and at work. He felt himself surrounded by demanding people and fantasised about escaping, being alone. Despite Paul feeling like he was being pushed around, he never got into […]
Am I a Narcissist? – The Entitlement Schema
Karl*, a charming, extroverted 48-year-old finance manager was in big trouble. His wife had “suddenly” left with the kids, moving in with her sister. She had had enough of his lies and inconsistencies, mainly related to his cocaine use and “meetings” with other women. Simultaneously, Karl had become under investigation from work for using his company […]
Little Wounds, Limbic Scars and Holes in the Street
German researchers recruited 110 people who were in hospital for Major Depressive Disorder. They scanned their brains with an MRI machine and gave them a questionnaire about childhood maltreatment. Two years later, they contacted the participants and asked them whether they had experienced in any depressive episodes since first contact. The researchers found that people […]
Social Isolation / Alienation Schema
“I carry my loneliness on my back, like a turtle”. Jia* had a great job in fashion and a loving boyfriend but was depressed and socially anxious. She had difficulties talking in groups of three or more people, she never felt natural, she came across as distant and aloof. “I suppose I’m just a social […]
The Defectiveness Schema: Wishing you were someone else…
We are born small and weak. Baby ungulates walk within minutes of leaving the womb. And yet here we are weak and tender for years on end. We are not capable enough to care for ourselves and if we perceive and believe that we aren’t good enough to be independent, its because its true. It […]
The Abandonment Schema
Humans have developmental needs. Although infants and children have many needs, a simple way to describe these needs is to separate them into two categories: the need to grow as an individual and the need to grow as a member of the social group. The latter of these, the need to socially connect and fit […]
How to get what you want from others
I’m over it! Doesn’t matter what I do for Stewie, he never gives anything back. I just needed a lift from the mechanic, and he virtually lives next door to it! Said he’s busy! Then he has a go at me, for being entitled, me! After all I’ve done for him. Story of my life […]
Emotional Deprivation Schema – The Emotional Stranger
Toby* doesn’t want to be in therapy. A 42-year-old, currently unemployed, former army captain, Toby has seen people who need therapy and he’s not one. “I’ve got mates who are seriously traumatised, thinking about ending it all. These blokes need help, not me”. It’s true – Toby says that he’s not depressed or anxious, and […]
Self-Sacrifice Schema
Penny* is perpetually tired. A nurse by training, she currently works as a 2IC for a disability services provider. Her boss is personable, but disorganised and Penny feels like she’s always picking up the slack. Things aren’t any easier at home. Penny sometimes ‘jokes’ that she has a second (unpaid) job managing the household. Sometimes […]
What is Schema Therapy? Part III
Part III: How we cope Grace has had no trouble forming friendships, it’s keeping them that she finds difficult. “People act nice, but eventually you find out they just don’t care” she often says. When a friend doesn’t return a call, or fails to follow through on commitment to her, she becomes angry. She has […]
What is Schema Therapy? Part II
Part II – Little People, Little Wounds & Unmet Needs The second part of this series Grace* was raised as an only child and her parents separated when she was five. After separation, Grace missed her father terribly, who took a job in another city, and her mother too, who now worked long hours to […]
